This week my best friend, meaning my now ex-husband, and I celebrated our divorce.
Really, we celebrated the love we have for one another, life we had together and the life we each have created for ourselves. The divorce was simply a point of finality, from one timeline to another.
We separated 2 years ago this May and the divorce was finalized a couple of weeks ago.
In our vows when we married, we included that the greatest desire for ourselves and each other, was that we follow our spiritual devotion. This meant whether we traveled together or independently, our spiritual devotion to the Divine was priority. That was 15 years ago.
Did we really think that this time would arrive? Not necessarily. However, the depth of commitment we held for our spiritual lives, which was the foundation of our deep friendship, marriage, and now post-marriage, it had been a topic of conversation that we prepared for. Since that day we’ve grown in so many ways in both, as a couple and individually. Each role we play together is cherished by us both.
The majority of the worlds population, particularly in the west, carries a great deal of programming and conditioning around romance and marriage. However, humanity has been exploring new ways of relating to those we love, exploring new expressions of relationship with greater consciousness and presence, which allows for people to grow, change, and transform.
The reality is, no matter how committed two people are when they begin a life together, people change and often time grow in different directions … if they give themselves permission to do so.
I really loved Byron’s card he gave me the other day. The sentiment was ‘Love Without Limits.’ It felt so appropriate for who we were over a decade ago … because we’ve definitely had some awesome adventures, living from a great sense of limitless-ness. And now, we’re continuing to love one another without conditions, constraints, need, or limits on the configuration of our relationship.
New Paradigm lingo for this, is Conscious Relationship/Sacred Partnership. It’s not really new, but it’s coming more into the mainstream, Thank you Gweneth Paltrow. Our marriage was one of conscious communication, openness, honesty, deep respect and love. Saying the hard things, even if it was going to hurt the other with compassion, and ownership of our feelings and how we each experienced our inner reality.
Byron and I spent 17 years growing and transforming rapidly together, sharing the same journey, until it was time to grow our separate ways. We’ve had the honor to embody the teachings of Conscious Relationship and Sacred Partnership, both in our togetherness and as we’ve moved onto the next phase of our evolution.
Our separation and divorce has been the same. We have bonded in some ways even deeper, because over the last 2 years we each have been devoted to diving deeper into our own spiritual lives and falling in love with ourselves.
There was no fight; no one did anything wrong; neither of us had any ill will toward the other. In fact, we had such a sweet life, love and relationship. The choice we made to ‘reconfigure’ our relationship was quite confusing to some and painful for our family when we shared the news.
What we learned over our marriage and in separation, was that we never stopped loving one another. It was the growth that we needed to experience, that changed the expression of love. Not to anything less, just different.
Don’t misunderstand. There was confusion in the midst of this shift surfacing. There was sadness and loss as we spent winter months discussing and exploring what this meant for us each. And when we were finally living apart, the death of who we once were rang out loudly in my breaking heart. However, it didn’t mean it was a mistake. It simply meant that we were growing and allowing ourselves to face all the ramifications of that choice. The cycle of the life we once had, was going through a death.
In general we, people, become very fixated on how love and relationship should look and feel. The programming and conditioning goes back into a history, that in the beginning had little to do with love and romance.
And all too often in the realm of love and romance, we tend to operate from our wounds, fears, and a hidden sense of lack, rather than healing ourselves into wholeness THEN forming relationship. The more whole and in-love with ourselves we are, the less fear of losing love we have. This often translates into some version of ‘there’s something wrong with me that makes me unlovable’ or ‘I’m afraid of being alone’ on a deeper subconscious level.
This is the norm. The past paradigm utilized romantic relationship as a tool of healing. The new, is that we heal first. I know from personal experience those gut wrenching fears and feelings of feeling unlovable, not chosen, insecure, untrusting, or never finding love again; or feeling guilty or trapped, if my feelings had changed. Behind the scenes, the subconscious drove my decisions. I lived many early years in other relationships from that old paradigm. There’s no judgment, only compassion, and honor for each individuals choice. I get the staying in what’s known and comfortable. Especially as we get older.
The direction of focus I now bring into my life is the realization that from a place of healing and wholeness, we are able to see and feel with greater clarity, the truth that change is inevitable, and get out from under the clinging of wounds and fears.
Great freedom lies within this new paradigm birthing, calling us all home unto our own Wholeness, first and foremost.
I’ve been forever grateful to have witnessed this paradigm back in the late 1990’s, while spending time in a conscious community. And then I was blessed to have the experience of my first relationship, consciously; learning together to heal, bringing higher awareness to many aspects of wounding, radical honesty, through a healing love. That man remains one of my dearest friends as well, to this day. We ended our relationship as consciously as we entered into it. Just as Byron and I have.
In the guidance I bring to those called to Conscious Relationship & Sacred Partnership, the first stage that enable those expressions of coming together with a beloved, from my perspective, is first ones own Inner Marriage/Union, Falling In-Love with oneself.
Begin within is never as important as it is today.
Over the time waiting for the divorce to finalize, we’ve reminisced about the love we shared and who we’ve been together, our adventures together, as well as the sadness of the death of the past. We’ve shared how profoundly cherished is our divine friendship, as we call us, in the Now. We’ve talked about what changes may occur when one or both of us become connected to a new love in our life. We’ve have conversations of what we are looking for now, in a future love-life.
The beauty is, that we can have these intimate conversations, without feeling unloved, unappreciated, or that we don’t or didn’t measure up some how. We genuinely desire the best that there is to come, for one another, because we love each other. And we are devoted to the purist happiness for the version of ourselves NOW. All that was and is to come is held with the utmost sacredness.
I’m so honored to have spent these last years of my life with this man, who I love with all my heart, and I know loves me. He is certainly a soul mate. I’m also really excited to experience how our lives unfold as we grow more fully into our true essence, in the many stages and phases to come.
Because of the freedom, joy, the big love I’m able to bring to life through these new paths of relationship, it’s quickly becoming a favorite focus in my work. I find too, that as more people awaken into Love continues to take over the world, relationship is being expanded upon and explored from higher levels of awareness and innerstanding Many are letting go of the thoughtforms and beliefs that bound us ’til death do us part’, if it no longer feels like their truth. And we are learning to love even more deeply and completely, by first falling in-in love with our own precious self!
To learn more:
Always Held In-Love,