Integrating Shadows Past

Settling into myself this evening after what feels like many days of going & doing.

My husband and I have moved from Los Angeles to Tulsa, Oklahoma. It’s been a flurry of transition since June, the heat of summer to now, October, feeling the chill of fall. Earlier tonight the call inward, to return to the sacred embrace of Divine Mother spoke loud & clear. The previous opportunities I’ve had for down-time, inward-time, has lessened greatly with the new life that has been unfolding, and I savor the snippets I get to settle into stillness and inner quietude.

My practice as of late has been of the soul retrieval nature. Returning to the places where I’d left pieces of myself in Tulsa. The shadow of this lost, wild child, angry,  teen-age alcoholic rebel, of 30+ years ago has loomed large since I departed this town. I flung many judgments her way. Much shame was buried, until it wanted to surface, that is.

She/me is now held in my loving embrace, being integrated into a new level of wholeness. She/I was really so much sweeter than I had allowed her/me to be. Acknowledged, seen, heard, & loved, she/me leaves behind those times in the dark, to celebrate the wisdom in the light.

The memories seep through the humidity of the summer and the cool breezes as the cold approaches. The weather here carries a surprising amount of recall, through my body. It also shares visions the younger me in ‘this park’ or with ‘that person’ or ‘walking down that street’ … through much wiser eyes and a softer heart.

I’ve had many tears flow in the release of shame that I see now was unwarranted. Mistakes and choices, were made back then that can be labeled as ‘bad,’ but that no longer holds weight. as we all do our best to make our way through tough, tender years.

I reclaim myself from where I gave my love in order to learn lessons of the depths of compromise and self-negation. I reclaim myself from holding on to the innocence lost, expecting the power of love and validation to come from outside.  I reclaim myself from the addiction to suffering, from living in the past.

Each layer that rises with the initial imprint of fear, sorrow, loss, shame, etc. I hold myself and remind myself of the innate preciousness that has always been. I bring all of me back into this present Now Moment.

There is a re-patterning of this town as time-lines collapse with each layer of integration. The past fades into this life, here, now, full of Light, Wisdom & Divine Knowing of the perfection of all that has passed.  I walk with a new freedom into each moment, a clear mind, a softer heart, with more space for the Presence of Divine Grace, to make a home within.

There may be more to be revealed, to heal, to integrate, in this town. Time will tell.

But each step of the way, I know the truth beyond anything pulls me momentarily into the undertow.  I know that I am a precious, divine being, seeing beyond these human experiences.

May we all reclaim our past/future, which separate us from the divinity within and live in the fullness of our Light & Truth Now.

Many Blessings on the never-ending journey ~

Lotus

art: Autumn Skye Art

 

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Into the Folds of Integration

While I’ve been attending the basics of the day to day life over this last month, the surrender to going ‘deeper’ and connecting ‘higher’ has been given precedence. There has been a part of me that has been waiting for this deepening phase to lessen in order to resume my previous rhythm, however I’m relinquishing that thought, need, belief, idea . . . whatever I may want to call it.

Instead, I’m offering myself up into it’s fold for integration of this transformation. The Highest Self has no desire or need to return to what was. It’s simply the old patterns of myself which hold-out for what is known.

“Burn not the attributes of your Soul. Only set aflame, in a holy fire those aspects which hold you separate from your divine Self.”
The Divine guidance spoke.

Languages of Light, streaming down and through the heart are opening & expanding, deepening & uplifting, guiding me ever more closely to my highest alignment, the heart-soul call. They ignite a knowing within, even if that means loss of what’s been. Though the options to dance the old steps are always present ~ and I still partake as needed, I can’t remain in ‘what was’ for long.

Remembering through the letting-go’s and re-calibrating a new, the clarity grows of not only my, but all of our Truth, as I’m once again told:

“I Am the Life and the Light.
I Am the Love & Life flowing through you.
As Light flows, Life is vitalized and Love increases.”

The challenge is not to get caught in the thick shrouds of forgetfulness, and to remember that we are Love embodied. The biggest challenge is to continuously take the steps it takes to unveil our Knowing of this Truth, which WILL dissolve the things we wish to hold onto, in our day to day lives.

She of A Thousand Roses, walks with me, You too may call on Her. She is here to embrace all who call, into our deepest alignment & purpose. And I embrace her. The Blessings fall upon us all . . . but are you ready to receive?

In Love & Light ~

Lotus

Light Language streams captured by Natalia Molina 2016

The Path of Surrender pt 2~ Interference

What Interferes With Surrender?

Ah! The magical Path of Surrender continues. . .

May I invite you to close your eyes for a moment. Take a couple of breaths. How does that feel? What do you notice? Most often, when we turn our attention within, we notice how active our mind is . . . The thoughts just keep on coming, looping, obsessing. Sometimes we try to ‘make’ the mind be quiet. Or we talk back to it, in frustration, our whole body feeling constricted and aggravated. Will has stepped in, in an attempt to control the situation at hand. How often does that work?

Here’s another invitation.

Again, I invite you to close your eyes, feel your breath. Notice your thoughts ~

and simply Accept the thoughts. Allow the activity of your mind.

Just watch them without trying to make them change or go away.

Let go of labeling them or reacting to them.

Next, begin to notice and FEEL the rhythm of your breath.

Use your focus (masculine quality) to stay connected to feeling (feminine quality) your breathing, however your breathing shows up.

Just feel your breath for 3-5 breath cycles.

Now, how do you feel? How is the relationship to your thinking? How does your body feel, by accepting your thoughts and focusing on your breath? Did you notice that you felt calmer?
Did you notice your thoughts disappeared into the back ground ~ and maybe even quieted? Did you sense a lightness of being?

This is the Art of Surrender. This is the magic of embracing the Sacred Feminine qualities within your being and allowing Her to wash over and soothe you from within. There is nothing to fight, the power is in the letting go & receiving what is at hand.

When we’re speaking of the Sacred Feminine/Masculine, we are speaking of qualities of energies, that reside in each of us. We aren’t referring to gender, though the imbalances have affected us in our human-being-ness and the actions in our lives, as men and women.

When we explore the action of Will, we clearly see that it serves us. It affords us success in forward movement, follow-through and determination. And, if we peek at its Shadow aspects, it also can act as a force which puts us into over-drive, creating ill health, exaggerated egoic qualities, and imbalance.

Surrender has very different qualities of expression. Surrender is the letting go, the release, the receptivity of ‘what is.’ It is expansive, emotive, heart centered, and woven with imagination that gives us space to day dream and create our highest possible reality. Surrender creates space for Grace, to assist us in what is right and true, what supports us, what nurtures our evolution, our inner beauty.

Why is it then, if it feels so nourishing to be in the qualities of love and truth, do we fight and resist letting go? What gets in the way of our surrendering?

One way I work with this, and I will say honestly, it’s came from much willful head-banging on my part. If we Surrender, our programmed need for Control is threatened. This can feel very frightening. Here’s one of my approaches for you to test our what I mean. Explore for a moment, this marriage of Will & Surrender. ‘Cast & Release.’

Most of us know, if we can tune into our inner world, what our truest desires are, what our deepest yearning is, there is a feeling we are longing to experience. By setting an intention in that feeling realm, by taking actions in the direction of our inner guidance, we are engaging the masculine within us. But then comes the rub. Cast and LET GO of the outcome! Act and RELEASE. Take steps and SURRENDER to a force that is invisible, but working for your highest good. Ask and have FAITH.

You may be feeling the challenge, right? It sounds good in theory. It feels good for, oh, about a day or two. And then what do you notice kicking in? What triggers your anxiety? What propels you to start sticking your fingers in the pot, to gain . .  . control?

I don’t know those answers for you. This is an opportunity for your inner inquiry. I find when I understand and take responsibility for my spiritual unfolding and examine what makes me tick, react, continue negating patterns, or attract what I don’t want or what I do want, into my life, I can ride the waves much easier. Self-Inquiry in itself is a beautiful practice in merging our masculine and feminine aspects in order to bloom into our fullness.

As per this example, I know that what comes up for me often, are beliefs about the turn-around time from my ‘casting’ and the expectation of getting what I want. One big thorn in my side is that, I usually think I should receive what I want in a very short period of time! When I don’t, it triggers a lack of Faith, fearing that I won’t receive what I am desiring. And then if it is something that interferes with my sense of material/financial security, the survival instinct kicks in. The scarcity reaction pushes me to ‘grab on’ and try to control the outcome. The less aware I am of this process, the stronger the compulsion to control becomes. When I become afraid of not being able to pay bills, eat, go to the doctor, I can hardly see clearly that there is more going on than meets the eye. That challenged Faith and Trust, prompts me to ask, “Is there is really a power or force that is helping me out?”

On the deeper level, regardless of how it’s expressing, Control fights Surrender, and its presence is most always present. Control is one of the most powerful areas to gain awareness of!

In part, the reasons that make this path so challenging AND why it is so important to reconnect to, are the same. We have moved so far away from a relationship with our inner, sacred faculties of intuition, our connection to subtle energies & forces of assistance, and faith that there is a reason to the rhymes, a meaning to the parables, even if we don’t realize it, in the moments of our grasping. Many have moved away from connecting the Mysteries of life, the forces that we can’t see, and our own inner knowing.

This is what the Path of Surrender teaches us. However, we only gain this wisdom by entering into a relationship with this quality of the Sacred Feminine. We might think at first, it’s a treacherous journey. But really, it’s only treacherous for that ‘part of us’ which is still indoctrinated in the past/rapidly altering paradigm, of the dominating masculine. The act of Surrender will dissolve the parts of us which are ridden with fear, greed, isolation, scarcity, and stress.

The degree of discomfort in letting go, will be equal to the amount of control trying to remain at the helm of your ship. And it may feel discombobulating as these old energies are released, dissolved, and die off from our being.

The beauty of this process is the levity we are gifted once the old has cleared. The rewards of greater Freedom, Joy, Compassion & Love, will call us back for more, our heart and soul responding to the revelation of our inner truth being freed!

We becoming willing to Surrender certain aspects of ourselves. We long for outworn aspects of who we used to be, to die. Because it is with each inner death, comes a Re-Birth. And this is how we experience more of who we truly are.

And let’s take that one more step . . . Those aspects within us, which we identify as ‘us,’ are not ‘us.’ I am not fear, jealousy, anger, etc. Sometimes I feel as if I am a specific emotion. But this is only because I’ve become habituated in this feeling experience. When we rise in consciousness, in vibration, we begin to experience that becoming Love, which is a quality, is different from the emotion of love, so to speak.

Language makes the intangibles almost impossible to talk about. Fear, control, etc is NOT who we are. And as we enter into the magical awakening of the Sacred Feminine, and Her entrance into our world, we find we ARE the qualities of Love, Generosity, Abundance, Faith, Peace, Spaciousness, and Light.

My hand is extended out to you here, as we journey together into this new radiant world which is percolating and bubbling up from within our Heart & Soul!

With Love,

Lotus

The Path of Surrender pt 1 ~Healing the imbalance

The Path of Surrender is an art of divine simplicity . . . And, one of the most difficult on-going tasks asked of us. This can be a challenging subject to understand with the intellect and at least equally as challenging to learn to live as a way of life, if you haven’t yet tasted her elixer.  And yet, so much that we seek comes from a place of surrender. Freedom. Love. Peace. Self-Acceptance. Self-Love. Well-being. Generosity. Connection. This doesn’t mean surrender works alone or that we become pacifistic in all of our life. It actually requires great discipline, but a different sort of discipline! It is most often the final act of aligning and manifesting what our heart and soul truly long for. Well worth the initial challenges, yes?

So, before we can really dive into Surrender, it’s also important that we get to know Will.  In this first part of our exploration, let’s dive into the basic concept of Surrender from,

  1. the intellect
  2. the qualities of our world as seen through the prisms of masculine & feminine energies
  3. the old world paradigm and the new world we’re entering into.

For thousands of years, we’ve been living in a paradigm of predominantly masculine energies. This is governed by the mind, intellect, conceptualizing. It fosters the activities of striving toward goals. It’s understood linearly, from point A to point B. The mind needs to know, to be able to explain things logically, to be able to prove, and functions with black & white thinking.

There are many ways this functioning is necessary to navigate the material world in which we live.  This left brain  ensures we know how to balance our check books, bank accounts & budgets. It helps up to plan trips, with itineraries. If you’re planning an event, it makes sure you can manage the logistics. In the medical field, for instance, science makes strides by what it is able to prove. While we need this functioning, obviously, it has also overstepped many of its bounds. And it’s being in charge of our lives, has had a hay-day that is winding down and will be sharing space, more equally,  with the feminine.

The force through which our masculine or yang energies work, is through our Will.  With focus, attention, intention, we exert our will onto the outer world. This is represented by the right side of our body, also by the element of the sun and heat. A great way of exploring this is by practicing a simple exercise.  Make a fist & squeeze. Notice to what degree you’re squeezing your hand into the fist. How much pressure are you exerting? How long can you sustain that level of exertion with ease? How does it feel as you hold the tension?

This is an example of how we go through a good portion of our lives.  If we exert too much will, we find ourselves exhausted easily. Stress and tension build up in the body, mind, or emotions.  If we don’t exert any will, we can barely clench the fist or at best it’s a limp clench. This can reflect in our lives as lethargy or stagnation. When we use our attention with consciousness, clench a fist with a medium amount of pressure, this can be sustained comfortably. When the fist tires, we let go. Release. Surrender.

Will & Surrender are a mated couple. They dance together, they embrace in lovemaking, they give and receive, contract and release, from their mutual love, devotion, respect. While the masculine moves us out into the world in action, the feminine returns us home within to integrate, deepen, cultivate wisdom. They go hand in hand. They are our inner Sacred Masculine & Sacred Feminine, which when equally honored & balanced, create harmony.

Yet, we are most familiar with the quality of egoic Will. An expression of the masculine, who has lost his divinity, so to speak, because he has ruled over, subjugated, and usurped the Sacred Feminine qualities. Hence we witness violence at every turn, both in the news and as ‘entertainment.’ We compete with one another continuously and ourselves, in the work place, in sports, in fun and games.  The ongoing desire for bigger, better, more has sold us a false belief in scarcity. We have stress as the leading underlying cause of the numerous health crisis’s. We’ve rationalized the acceptance that we need to triumph over nature with our man-made devices to exert control in a myriad of ways, and Mother Earth is continually being assaulted in numerous ways, negating the very real fact that we need Her for our survival.

Control is one of the most abused actions of an out-of-whack masculine force. Control of people. Control of animals. Control of information. Control of freedom. Control of money.  One of the most devastating & horrific forms of abuse of control can be seen in human trafficking, which has become one of the most lucrative forms of business over the last decade and yet, it’s still flying under the radar of the general public. We see all of the above ‘controls’ playing our loudly on our world stage.

Our minds are on overdrive with insomnia now effecting large portions of the population. Whether this is from the constant use of technology, seeking entertainment, relief, or the never-ending stream of distractions, it is a symptom of a  society that is highly over stimulated. The ramp of the Sympathetic Nervous System (active/masculine state) has diminished our ability to be nourished by the Para-Sympathetic Nervous System (receptive/feminine state).

Many mornings on my daily walks, I witness a large proportion of fellow walkers/runners listening to their ear-bugs, as they are spending time in nature. I understand the desire to listen to music, pod-casts, lectures, etc. and we are fortunate to have these options. My comment is less about the symptom of stimulus, and more about a lack of awareness around the habit.  How have we become so greatly desensitized to the subtle joys in life, such as listening to the morning songs of the birds? When did we buy into a constant frenetic way of filling our brain with constant noise, which we’re learning from experience is depleting us in so many ways, yet we find it hard to  change?

These are aspects of the intense imbalances at hand today.  The wonderful news is that there is a change that is rising. As most of us have heard, we are entering the time of the Divine Feminine!

It is with Her Love, Her healing salve, Her purification of heart, body, and mind, that we will find a path back to harmony.

It also means a new challenge is upon us.  This challenge is the willingness to approach the Art of Surrender.  While it’s the cool breeze at the end of a dry hot day, though we will wish for the gentle, tenderness of her caress, we also fight it. It is frightening to realize that with the release of the load we’ve carried, it will bring with it deep change. This isn’t the change that we will manage and control or even know the outcome. It’s dangerous territory to the ways in which we’ve been living, functioning, thinking, being, for longer than most of us know.

But, this time of surrender is just as much in our bones and breath, as that of the will. The scales will need to tip to the other side of where they’ve been, in order to balance out.  It is She, who will soothe the heat of the masculine shadow, with divine teachings of Compassion, Truth & Love.  Are you ready to embark on her magical path of Surrender?

With Love,

Lotus

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Ma Shakti Kundalini ~ Yoga of the Divine Feminine

 

The ancient ways are being birthed in abundance once again as our divine awakening quickens.  The voice of the Divine Feminine, expressed most often through the Goddess presence and archetypes have been touching a growing number of hearts and souls. We are remembering our very own depth and girth through this inkling of soul-spirit, heart opening around the world.

There are many ways through which the Divine Feminine is introduced to us. But there is one Way in which we intimately cultivate a very real, tangible, mystical relationship with Her.  It is through the Yoga of the Divine Feminine, which has many labels, but in essence it takes place through direct, personal communion with Her energy and Divine Presence.

Through this path, we learn experientially who She is, and who we truly are. When we step into this sacred relationship, the myriad of descriptions, from various religious traditions which speak of Her, fall away. The intellect cannot lead or guide us on this journey of divine Soul-Heart knowing. The Mystery teachings defy explanation, only direct Knowing.

When we fully awaken the Divine Spark within us, we embrace the Presence of God. The manual practices which were once necessary for our growth, become secondary. We meet first hand the origin of all these sacred arts and practices, Shakti Kundalini Ma.  Her teachings bubble up and through us spontaneously and organically, just as is needed by our precious being. She becomes our inner guide, calling us to surrender to Her divine care, Her sacred Love, to Her multidimensional Wisdom and our True Self.

She is the Holy Spirit, the Shekinah, all aspects of the Goddess, of all traditions. Through many languages, art, poetry, and esoteric science, attempts have been made to put Her presence into understanding, but are always incomplete. She has been revered, enlivened, and embodied by all mystics and saints of all traditions.

The Divine Feminine force is the creative energy of the Universe and our very being. She is no way foreign to us, in fact She is our truest essence, made conscious. She is the force that raises our consciousness, strengthens our intuitive knowing, that flowers forth the highest qualities of Love & Compassion in our heart, and that which connects us to God.

To travel the mystery of the Great Mother, you must step through the portal, the opening, which is within yourself, to access Her Presence.

My sacred purpose in this world is to initiate, support and guide those who are ready to step into the next level of their Divine Awakening.

If your Soul-Heart feels the call to dive deeper, expand spaciously, and ascend into the highest frequencies of Love within YOU, this is my offering to you.

These sessions are offered in person only. This is a committed path of connection and practice. This is the Way of Embodiment.

It is an honor to escort you on this sacred journey to Your Divine Self.

To learn more, please contact me personally to schedule a consultation.

See Offerings   under the Art of Sacred Embodiment Initiation Programs.

 

 

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