Winter’s Call

Gratitude continues to expand these days for many things. One of which is being in a part of the country with the change of seasons. I’ve always thought of myself as a sun-baby … which I am really, however living both in SoCal/LA & Arizona before that, I have so much appreciation for the clouds, the brisk chill/cold & ironically, I may even welcome snow when it arrives!

Staying in tune with the cycles of Mother Nature have been important for harmonizing & balancing on all levels of my being. Living in mostly perpetual sunshine & heat, for the past years, I felt I had to self-impose the quietude & dormancy my body & mind craved, while all around me the sun energy provoked activity & inspiration.

During the winter, a time of crone-hood, my hibernation felt out of place, with the continuous liveliness of the maiden-sunshine. The death processes that often required long periods of sleep or melancholy, were harder to sink into.

This year, in the mid-west, I feel in sync, in tune, the outer is reflecting the inner. The elements are working in tandem with my energy. As we move toward the Winter Solstice, I’m doing the necessities of the day to day, yet on my days off relishing in naps, going to bed earlier, getting up a little later. Taking baths. Meditating more through out the day. Letting the death process unfold of this highly transformative last year.

There are more layers simply falling away, the more that I enter into ‘just being.’ Once again, I have a place where I can stretch out, snuggle in & do absolutely nothing but watch the clouds. Even though we’ve had some great sunny days, the crispness of the air and the bare trees, remind me to keep letting go. To go within. To slow down. To trust in the wisdom that unfolds from the crone/the wise woman within. Chew the cud of all the lessons learned & allow the soil for the coming spring to grow fertile in this dark time of the year.

I’m grateful for the grace & nourishment that emerges when aligning & balancing to what is true within. This more often than not, means consciously unplugging & deprogramming from the voices/energy of the collective consciousness, that compels us to constantly go & do, strive & distract from the inner quietude that the winter season gently lulls us toward.

Mother Nature is teaching us, mirroring our own nature to us, through her cycles. However it’s up to me/us to glean the wisdom she imparts, not through words or the intellect, but from the body, the heart & Being.

As we move into the longest night of the year, may we all feel the blessings, nourishment & wisdom from our own crone-nature, that speaks to us in the dark quietude of Soul.
 & Winter Solstice Blessings ~

Lotus

 

art: Frank Howell

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Space for Grace

I’m always in wonder, amazement, and awe in the spiritual unfoldings, of myself and others. We travel far and wide seeking beautiful vistas, new sites, adventures, and thrills. That is indeed a part of choosing this earthly life. There are many jewels to be found and not overlooked or taken for granted.

And yet, I’m also a cheerleader for the lesser known by many, of the inner journeys. What lies within us, when we take the time to explore the inner worlds, for me are the wildest of rides! I’m always in gratitude for what is revealed and healed. And in that, the space for grace, blooms forth more love and presence, to shared with you, and you, and you.

Forgiveness finds me. I find forgiveness.
Resting in reflection, the tendrils extending years and lives into the past begin to uncoil, releasing their grasp.

I’m flooded with hues of pink, expanding in the minds eye and swirling through my beings. Compassion comes to abide.

No need for the reasons, the rational, the stories, which previously inhibited the state of forgiveness from settling in. Challenges or effort, rights or wrongs, only continue the story telling.

Instead forgiveness enters in, just because. I am enveloped by the spaciousness of Love. It is now mine to share.

Love & Blessings ~

Lotus

Body Wise

In the past I’ve spoken often about our bodies as powerful teachers. They are our guides, our informants. This last week or so, my teacher is my stomach. The informant is sharing with me information, of that which is transforming in regards to my relationship with my sense of self, with the Third Chakra. The center of personal power.

Flash Back Decades:  In my early 30’s, at the end of a 5 year relationship with a fellow alcoholic, I was just beginning to figure out this internal system of communication. He wasn’t working at that time, desperately focusing on his art, which meant he was home all day, sipping his beer. He had relapsed in the last months and was thus far controlling his intake. With one addiction enlivened, many other co-addictions arose as well, which were much harder to tame. Me? Well, I was around 5 years sober, my co-dependency now triggered immensely by the entire life I was living, yet not quite ready to admit this to myself.

I loved my job working at an outdoor flower stand in downtown Portland. Loved the people I connected with all day. And yet, every day when I got on the bus to go home, my stomach began to feel sick, as if I needed to throw up. Of course now, it’s completely obvious what was eating away at me. But back then I’d begin to wonder, as the city-scape passed by the window, “I wonder if I’m eating something for lunch that isn’t agreeing with me?”  “Maybe I drank too much coffee again.”  And as I got off the bus, walking toward our building, the feeling of a need to vomit, both strengthened, while simultaneously became numb. My whole being would go numb.

There came the moments when I began to connect the dots. This was prompted by the mysterious disappearance of my engagement ring from my finger. I searched high and low, with no recollection of removing it. Then one day while cleaning, I stood on the toilet seat to reach up and clean a high shelf, and there it sat! The lost ring. My mind spun for a moment. Did it some how fall off my hand, and he found it and hid it from me? That didn’t fit any dynamic of our relationship. Could I have put it up there? As much as I imagined all sorts of far out things, I had an inkling that some hidden part of me was attempting to send me a message.  

Not long after, as I was taking off my jeans one evening, I found a crumpled piece of paper. It was a slip torn off from a poster advertising an apartment for rent. Whoa! How did this get in my pants?! I was honestly quite shaken from the find, but what was really shaking me up was consciousness was shifting within me, soul was sending messages which were now breaking through my denial system, that the life I was living would continue. I was shaking because these mysterious instances broke through and I received the message. It was time to leave. It was time to transform myself and my life.

My life choices were making me sick, literally. My body was communicating messages from down deep within my being, asking that I acknowledge the truth, “The jig’s up.” With this acknowledgment, also came the responsibility of decision making. I was guided to choose to love myself, to choose me. Once I saw the light, I couldn’t put the blinders back on. Goodness knows a part of me wanted to, but Soul had other plans. Thankfully.

Everything in your life shifts when you come into harmony with yourself.  

Panache Desai

Back to the Future~Present: Decades have passed and this body of mine is the first place I ‘listen into’ when change is amiss. It has never led me astray. And here I am again, guts churning. Feelings like I’m going to burst at the seams. Anxiousness free-floating. Weepy. And the guts still churn. This time not from a disconnect from personal power, nor because the life I’m living isn’t wonderful. Instead, it’s from a new level of empowerment taking place within.

I’m grateful for all the life experiences that have taught me previously how to ride these very uncomfortable waves of an inner dying process. It’s taken a couple of days of surrendering into all of the feelings, which can be labeled as depression, I suppose. However, I’m aware it’s in fact energies and consciousness being transformed.

So I rest. I allow all the feelings to rise from within, to bring forth new light.

There are traits of personality that I have worn most of my life. Some have served me in the past and have been burnt in the fire. Some are still serving me. Others are ready to be to be transformed. As some are now dying they are simultaneously  birthing a new me. Rebirth can often be as challenging as the death. Because it calls for embodiment of the new. This time it is felt in my gut.

At this juncture there is a brighter, stronger, more powerful self forming. She feels fierce and protective, like a Mama Bear watching out for her baby. Except, I am both. She is determined to play by new rules. Old rules will no longer serve the me who is becoming. And now aspects which have not been ready to be shown, or I have not been ready to don them, are now readying to burst forth.  A new sense of personal power, a deeper truth, is no longer afraid to rock the boat.

Can you ‘hear’ when your body is stepping-up in the role of Teacher?

Can you feel the messages it speaks?

Do you believe in the ‘symptoms’ you experience in the body, as purely physical?

Are you ready to see the ‘symptoms’ as a call to heal and transform your life?  

My experience has been that soul speaks through our physical being. Our physiology . . . biology . . . emotions . . . subconscious. Our being is interconnected on gross and subtle levels; along a thread of past, present, and future; from our conscious self to our Highest, Divine Self. We live in a body-vehicle.  We are embodied, and the messages come through this vehicle to guide us.

Like many things in life, we cruise along until we hit a snag of discomfort. This gets our attention and we can then inquire and make the changes necessary.  Well, when it’s time to move through a death and re-birthing process, this happens inside of us. We are guided to the inner messages being delivered.

If you don’t connect to this inner knowing already, your soulsong guidance, here are a few steps which you’re invited to practice, if you feel so called:

Stop & Listen.

Enter into Stillness & Silence & Allow space for whatever rises.  

Do not judge & Inquire within.

Get Radically Honest & Let go of what no longer serves you.

Love yourself through the growing pains of Rebirth & Take the next step into your Light.

For assistance & support along your awakening journey, click here.

Blessings & Love ~

Lotus