Why do we CHOOSE, what we CHOOSE? ~ Sources of Information

I’ve been watching with great curiosity the trajectory of the collective relationship to the Covid virus. This will be a veering from my normal focus, because it’s held fascination for me, brought about pondering & reflection on some deeper energetic/spiritual implications. I certainly have my own bias, yet my curiosity remains.

Do you ever wonder what compels you to be drawn to the narratives you’re drawn to? 

Why do you choose the beliefs you choose to believe?

Why are you afraid OR  why are you not afraid?

Regarding this virus, with all of the inconsistent information, but with statistics that continue to point to a fact that it’s not the worse illness we’ve seen, nor is it’s mortality rate greater than other flu’s or virus’s we’ve encountered. However it is being experienced so differently & with great dire consequences by some. Let’s just polarize the ‘camps’ for simplification.

We have information coming from the ‘mainstream narrative.’ High levels of caution & reasons to fear, non-stop updates as to new cases, new deaths, how horrible & painful this virus is, hospital overloads, etc. These are medical reports from physicians, media, & governing systems that share a dire version of facts & statistics from sources that are working in tandem with pharmaceutical companies, those with political agendas, and in my opinion, agendas that are out to wield levels of control over humanity.

To me, they operate through fear, scare messages, create high levels of stress in the population, which decreases our ability to think clearly, tune into our own truth, decreases our immune system, and deeply disrupts psychological & emotional balance & harmony.

From a psychological/spiritual manipulation standpoint, we could say it targets humanities deep unresolved fears of death & pain, that is subconscious, and instigates our reactive survival instincts to flare uncontrollably.

The other ‘camp’ of physicians, scientists, researchers, recognize there are some risks to the general population, and higher risk to a minority of the population. It proposes self-responsibility, right action of being safe at home, social distancing, keeping ones immune system strong, maintain inner peace, harmony, balance & general well-being. If one is highly compromised, not going out in public seems the most logical. They advocate for our personal empowerment and are not influenced by the destructive systems/corporations/governing bodies that dis-empower the population.

This camp doesn’t ignite our mental/emotions/body with fear & anger, activating the pain-body. It doesn’t exhaust our nervous systems with doom & powerlessness. Nor does it require our submission to go along through fear, shaming, guilting, blaming, etc.

Instead, it offers empowering options, education, encourages supportive community, and the freedom for each to choose what supports the individual, which in turn will support the collective. My choice at this time in my life, is to seek out those who live, function, bring life, hope, joy, & empowerment to others.

So for me, as I witness the spectrum between these two poles, I wonder:

“What is it in each person that makes them more likely to choose the camp of fear & death thought/action over the polar experience of feeling hope, healing, & empowered life?”

“What makes us believe one source of information is more credible than another source of information?” 

I’m always exploring in myself & others, motivations, conscious/subconscious compulsions, the shadow aspects of self, & how easily programmed I am and how this is for others. All of this has given me an opportunity to reflect on my own life’s journey.

This topic of exploration though is illustrated here, under the current circumstances, but we can ask these questions about many things.

For most of my life I was terrified of death. I knew one day I was going to get some form of cancer and couldn’t even say the word out loud. When AIDS was running rampant, I was young, irresponsible, active in my alcoholism, making REALLY bad choices for myself. I would wake up in the middle of those sober nights, in a cold sweat, terrified that I had been infected. Always having been a highly energetically sensitized person, any bodily change would send me over the edge in anxiety, off to the doctor for a check up and to get tested. Once I got sober, stopped the destructive high risk behavior, and passed the ‘safety’ time of AIDS testing, my focus shifted once again, back to cancer.

You see, this core survival wound & fear kept me on a treadmill. The fear & constant watch over what might happen, gave me an illusion of some level of control. Death is the one thing we can’t control. It’s inevitable. And in our culture we haven’t been initiated into facing death. I also was terrified of pain and the unknown, so I sought control in the best way I could. I kept vigilant watch over the potential of illness and death, even at the detriment to peace of mind. I refused to let down my guard!

Back in the day, just making an appointment with my doctor would calm the anxiety due to whatever I thought I might have. I relied heavily on doctors to tell me what my body needed, because I hadn’t yet found the tools that would empower me to listen to my body, to trust in it’s inherent function towards Life. I hadn’t learned yet how to empower myself through education as to health, vitality, inner strength, intuition, and the very true access to body wisdom that we all have.

At one point after moving from allopathic doctors to naturopathy, my naturopath had learned not to disclose her possible diagnosis to me. I will admit it, I definitely had tendencies of a hypochondriac. She knew that if she gave me too much information, I would begin to create the symptoms based on my fears.

After I began self-studies of wholistic health & wellness, which included my emotional & mental health, I began to feel more in tune with and empowered in my own body.  Bu I was still terrified of death. Eventually, through my Kundalini awakening beginning in 1996, I had no choice but to face those fears of death head on a handful of times. I was initiated into death and dying. That core death fear cleared, as was the fear of pain. I’m referring here to debilitating fear. I later went on the work with hospice & sitting bedside with the dying.

Many of the gifts I’ve received along my spiritual awakening journey have brought me such deep strength, faith & trust. These qualities are present as the deep knowing & faith I have in my own inner resources of vitality, immunity, and life force. This doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t get sick. Although I often go years in between getting sick, and when I do, it shows up as bronchitis. The lungs are my weak system. I no longer become frightened, because I know my body/being is designed to find renewed balance & harmony. And because I don’t fear death in the debilitating way anymore, it’s not a driving force in my life, my psyche, or my choices.

I can’t speak for others as to what drives many to choose to live in or with a fear based, dis-empowering, dooming, anxiety ridden, PTSD promoting paradigm that is the popular stand on the Covid virus ( and many other things our modern life is filled with ). But I do sense that had this taken place decades ago, when I was still functioning from this inner fragility, lack of a broader scope of information, AND a deep seated fear of illness & death, I would most likely be swept in this current of turmoil. I have great compassion for those in that reality. I know it doesn’t feel good.

I feel blessed and fortunate to know where I stand today, which encompasses my refusal to the very best of my ability to not live in fear. This is a choice I feel very passionate about. My life is dedicated to taking responsibility for my consciousness, health, emotional/mental well-being, and always deepening my faith & trust in innate power humanity has as divine beings waking up to this truth, and last but not least, I know I’m always in the care of Divine Source Love & Wisdom.

So, as I wind down, the questions that run around in my mind are:

“Are you choosing to live with a consciousness of inner fear & turning your power over to fear based messages?”

“If so, why do you think you choose to live in that experience?”

“What is driving you to want to listen & believe in medical institutions that inspire a fear reality within you?”

“What keeps you from listening or opening to the information from other medical professionals that are affirming life, freedom, health, responsible choices, peace, balance, harmony that supports a ‘culture of life?”

If there is interest in other alternative sources of information, I’m happy to share a couple here: New Systems ~ New Realities

My hope is that we all find our way to a healthy, healed, balanced, & harmonized inner & outer life during the trying times we face.

With Love,




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