Judgment & Prejudice

One of the quickest ways for me to see & let go of some of my most uncomfortable belief patterns is when I see them mirrored back to me, in another person. Particularly judgments. It’s amusing to me how often I can be aware of a judgment, know where it’s rooted, do my best to intercept the pattern consciously, and yet when I feel it rising, it shoots out my mouth or through me body, as if from its own free will.

And then there comes that magic moment. . .  when a friend, family member or complete stranger acts out my judgement, portrays it, in all of its reflected glory back at me. Usually it triggers the utter distaste I feel towards them. But the truth is, that the distaste is really about that energy within myself, as I experience the mirror of my own belief. Nine times out of ten, that’s all it takes. It registers in my body and memory in a way that brings such clarity from the outside in. Rarely do I have to ‘work’ at staying on top of it after that. It’s dissipated and vanished!

Prejudice works in the same way for me. Most of my life I didn’t recognize prejudice in myself. I was raised in a family that was very open, inclusive, and honored diversity in race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc

When I stumbled along an unacknowledged prejudice within myself, I was surprised and ashamed. I hadn’t had the opportunity to take this specific judgement out of it’s neatly stored box, locked in a corner of my mind, until Life brought about a couple of trigger moments that delivered this shadow part of myself up to my awareness.

I truly didn’t like the way I felt when it would creep up on me. In it’s presence, I’d think the most awful things about a person that I didn’t even know, simply based on ethnicity, and stories which I had no basis for, which ran through my mind. The feelings and thoughts didn’t feel like who I knew myself to be. I knew it was important to not judge the judgments, but to observe myself with compassion. This was the only way that I would be able to explore this issue, learn from it as the teacher it was, and find a way to heal it in my heart. And that was a challenge.

At first I thought I could simply decide not to feel this way, based on what I intellectually knew I should believe and in essence, knew to be true. Unfortunately, mind over matter wasn’t the remedy.

Again, it was the reflection of a growing prejudice in our country over the last couple of years, that began force feeding me sentiments of this prejudice. Since the racial riots 3 years ago, the anti-semetic rhetoric bubbling up around the presidential election, to the wall being built, people being kept out of the country, to the looming threats of deportations . . .  I felt sickened every time for what was taking place, but also because there was a matching energy with my own heart & being. I knew this needed to change, and it could only begin with me.

So I began to ask questions of myself about this prejudice I was experiencing.

I looked back at my life. I drew out any memories I could find that might have influenced my feelings. Was I hurt at some point by someone of this ethnic group? Did I feel fearful that it would happen again? Was I taken advantage of? Was I trying to protect myself? Was I harboring some kind of anger? Did someone else share any kind of stories with me that could have given birth to this prejudice I was carrying?

I came up with nothing, other than perhaps the powerful effect of collective thought forms which so often we unconsciously absorb. These thought forms or programming can come from society, family, or other systems of indoctrination. Most of the time collective thought forms swoop up our own psyche without being deeply explored within the individual.

Then I began to look at the instances that triggered the awareness that I was ‘against’ a group of people.  What that began to reveal to me, was that I had a great fear. However, there was nothing to demonstrate an experience that would prompt this fear.

So I dug deeper.

And as I dug deeper, I became aware that I was carrying this fear from a past life. Through methods that have worked for me in the past for deep dives into my inner world, I found that I had been a victim to much violence, pain, rape, & suffering as a woman, in a life past. This then began to explain other aspects of my life all the way back to childhood fears, where my physical safety was of great concern to me.

A memory of unresolved fear and pain was the catalyst for my prejudice and misplaced judgments.

The healing had begun. Clarity was being gained. And in that clarity, the prejudice that I was carrying, based on deep seated fear and survival experiences from a time before this present life, my prejudice has lost it’s dark grip on my heart and soul.

It was the outed hatred, fear, anger, division, and pain amplified over these past years in the public arena, and full blown in the past months especially, that reflected the darkness held within me, to me.

We are all mirrors for one another. If we see anger, hatred, fear, blame, being projected outside to another, it is our job to turn our attention back toward ourselves. We need to look in the mirror, so that our healing can begin. In our own personal healing, we then create healing in the world. If we each took on this task of self-responsibility, there would be far less projection of these harmful beliefs forced on others in the world. We would begin to step forth into a new world experience.

We are all brothers and sisters of the world, in all of our differences & likenesses. In fact, I believe we have more similarities than differences. The more we learn to inquire as to the how’s and why’s we react to others in the way we do, the quicker we will find a new way of being together on this planet.

As we heal our own fear, anger, and pain, we then can begin to reflect our Love, Compassion, and Understanding out into the world, and begin receiving that mirrored reflection as well.

No one is going to save us from ourselves. Saving this world, creating harmony and making space for all of us to exist in peace, must begin within each of us, one by one. And truly, the sooner we each embark on this healing, the better off we all will be as one family.

When we see the truth of our own Light, we’ll see that reflected in our mirror.  How wonderful would that be?

Blessings as you look into the mirror ~ Lotus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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